Monday, June 26, 2017

How to Start Building Trust with Your Spouse - Restitution

How to Start Building Trust with Your Spouse - Restitution

It is not enough to stop doing bad things; we have to begin doing redemptive new things.  In the new things there is something extra or in abundance. And out of our abundance  we are to give to others.
Imagine that we are thieves, and someone gives to us out of his abundance, we no longer need to steal. We are beneficiaries of that person’s hard work.

The same holds true for our wife's. If we will stop stealing, then work, and work in such a way that we have abundance, and she won’t be compelled to steal.

Wait a minute! What would your wife be stealing? Right?

It can come across in many ways; for instance, stealing compliments.  Have you ever felt like your wife nags you to notice her? Or it could take the form of her looking for compliments from someone other than you, like an ex-boyfriend or an ex-husband. If your wife is receiving abundant compliments from you, she won’t be tempted to steal affection or affirmation from other men.  Or from your kids. Or from television. And she won’t have to manufacture significance from you by putting you down in order to build herself up.  In her darkest moments, she won’t have to  steal your happiness by constantly bringing up the past and using it against you.

After reading this part in the book Worthy of Her Trust, I wrote down what I would do if I was given the chance to make restitution with my spouse. Now it's too late for me and I will never have that chance, so take this list and make it yours. Add to it, personalize it. You know your wife better than any other human on the earth, you know what she needs and what she wants.

Please add in the comments here what things come to your mind when you think of making restitution with your spouse.

Some of the things that Jason Pedersen could have done would be:
  • I can plan and make sure family home evenings happen - regularly
  • I can plan and make arrangements for a babysitter and date night activities
  • I can cook a few dinners each week, like on Weds nights so that she can focus on getting ready for mutual
  • I can initiate family and couples prayers each night
  • I can be the one to initial intimacy
  • I can be the one to talk more about my/our thoughts and feelings, especially about recovery and building our relationship.
  • I can be the one to plan and organize family outings and activities
  • I can make a greater effort to tell her what I think of her and how much I adore and appreciate her
  • I can show more affection, in private and in public (when it is appropriate)
  • I will initiate hard conversations with her so that it is not always her responsibility

What could you do to give to your wife in abundance and start building trust? Please share them with me.

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